please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
