i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
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