Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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