The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
