Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You have to summon your inner elephant
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
