I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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