I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
