Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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