Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Someone shattered a urinal.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
