She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
