im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Did you pee in the oven last night??
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
