you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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