thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
