She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
