worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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