I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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