Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
