i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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