I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
