you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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