worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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