I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
