Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
