Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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