Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
