hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
