apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Never underestimate the power of titties
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
