1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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