Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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