3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
