hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
