i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
