The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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