It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
