Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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