Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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