he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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