my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I need a hoe opinion
go on
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
