You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
