you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
