I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
