Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
