The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
It all started with a game of naked twister.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
