I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
