So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
