Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
