Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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