So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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