Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
