Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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