so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
